STOP! I don't want to talk about it...

 I texted PJ while I was at work on Sunday, May 1^st, and said,” oh my goodness! It’s May, I’m freaking out graduation is right around the corner.”  If anyone knows anytime anyone or if either one of us brings up the subject “graduation” we say stop! We like to avoid the subject. You can say it’s because we’re not ready to realize that our lives will change dramatically or that we’re officially done, never going back to high school to have the same classmates or the same teachers we were blessed with. Or maybe it’s because we know we won’t see all the people we grew up with every week day like we were use to. Or because we know that sadly we’re going to have to separate and go our own ways.

Its difficult talking about graduation in general, yes we feel accomplished, yes, we get to start our own lives, yes, no more hiding to text or getting in trouble for being late but there’s a sense of comfort you feel that you will miss. I know I will. But now all I can do is remember the memories I had with everyone.

I remember everyone in junior high. We were so young and innocent, literally.  Naked faces, none of us used makeup at that point. We all sat at that circle table underneath the gazebo, if you ask anyone they’ll know what you’re talking about. Talking and laughing for hours was our routine every day. The boys would be playing basketball on the basketball court and all us girls watching them like they were our prince charming. I remember me and Tess would whisper our secret crushes to each other, while the other girls would try to listen. It was good times; we were all childish and foolish, not a worry in our mind. We laughed at everything I remember once Jade, PJ and I hysterically laughed at one of the letters from Safeway because it began to twitch and one of us said, “Look! Safeway is on crack.” We had a great time in junior high.  8^th grade, it felt as if all our class was so close, like an unbreakable knot. Little did we know the knot would eventually become loose.

Then came high school, if you asked any of the girls they would tell you they were terrified. We stepped foot on campus and all we saw were much taller classmates, new teachers, got harder work, but we had each other and that was a huge comfort. New experiences allowed us to get closer to our older classmen, and as a result we gradually started to part from each other. Some of us even at one point stopped talking to one another not because we hated each other but because we had nothing to say to one another. But fate is a beautiful thing and as senior year began to approach, we started losing our older classmates, and once again we were reunited with one another, just like good times. And with the championship we all had the opportunity to experience, my class became closer because of it. I know every class reunion it’ll be the thing we will always bring up.

All I can say is I’ve had the time of my life with all my senior class and teachers. And that all the memories we have had together is something I will carry with me always and forever. So I leave you with the phrase from the song by Vitamin C, “As we go on, we remember all the times we’ve spent together and as our lives change from whatever, we will still be friends forever.”

A house was my home...

 As I sit there in the office next to my father, I can’t help but think how dreadful the ride home is going to be.  Getting the horrible words really put a damper on my morning. I went from being so relieved that I payed off all my enrollment fees for NAU, “Everything looks good Karen”, was what the lady on the other side of the desk said to me. All I could think was, “Wow this day can’t get any better, what a relief.” My dad looks at me with the most proudest smile I have ever seen placed on his face, all I’m thinking is dad I haven’t even started college yet. He tells me he has one more stop before we head back home.  House after house, none of them looking familiar to me but all looking similar to each other. Suddenly my dad makes a stop. Steve … attorney was all I remember when I glanced at the sign placed on the yard. My first thought was, so this is what Kory wants to become. A silly thought I know but I couldn’t think why we were here, until it hit me.

 “Hello, I’m Tomas Hernandez, I came to talk to Steve please, oh, he’s not here, may I speak with you? “ The guy with the glasses sits my dad down in his office but I refuse to go in his office and I sit in the waiting room right across from his office, hearing every word they spoke. I pick up a travel magazine and begin to look through it. I’m amazed at all the beautiful places all over the world; my eyes are glued to this magazine until I heard the attorney guy get on the phone. “Hello Steve? Tomas Hernandez is here to see you. You’re still in Camp Verde?  Yes, oh, yes, you’re certain about that?  There’s nothing we can do? Ok, I will tell him. “

 I sit there with a frozen, emotionless look.  My dad and the attorney guy begin to talk and talk, but for some reason I hear nothing. Maybe it was because for that very moment I wanted to alienate myself from everyone around me or maybe it was because I was shocked I saw this coming but didn’t realize how soon the occasion would be. My use of listening came back to me when I heard the attorney say, “You have until May 16^th to get all your belongings out.”  My dad shakes hands with the attorney guy. The attorney guy smiles a friendly smile at me but I couldn’t find myself to smile back. I know he is not to blame but I couldn’t explain why I felt like this, Karen not smiling, that’s rare.

As we’re walking back to the truck my dad tries to comfort me, and tells me,” We’ll be ok, don’t worry we’ll move to our little house next door, it might be even better I’ll be able to save more money and help you with college.” I could tell it was very hard for him to look at me while he tried to comfort me.  I thought to myself don’t show him you’re in pain, don’t show him you’re in pain and I made myself say, “Don’t worry dad, I know we’ll be ok.”  

I was right, the ride home was incredibly dreadful. “You have until May 16^th to get your belongings out” was like a repeating song in my mind. My father acted like he forgot what had happened in the office and tried to conversate with me.  I did my best not to show him once again how much it hurt me. I even think he began to think I forgot about it. We get home and I go to my room. My dad left to play golf with one of his buddy’s. I was home alone. I listened to, “the house that built me” by Miranda Lambert, and I began to cry, hard. I had to control my breathing to make myself stop.

I wasn’t upset because we had to move into a smaller house, and that I would have to share a room, or because we would lose most of our material things but because it felt like all my childhood and memories was being ripped away from me.  Like Miranda Lambert said, “It was the house that built me,” and having the house taken away from me feels like a piece of me is gone forever.

College, it's complicated.

I’m staying here at NPC, well I want to get as far away from Holbrook as I can, I’m going to college out of state. These are all comments I have heard from our deer peers.  College is indeed the main concern every senior I thinking about.  In state or out of state? Junior college or a 4 year college?  These are all things we have to decide, and soon I must say! It’s a very difficult and stressful decision, after all our future is in our hands.

Tick tock, tick tock as the time to decide begins to come closer and closer/ our palms sweating, our body shaking and our mind at the verge of shutting down. All we can hope is that we picked the correct decision. Such a stressful moment. There is a vast number of options to choose from. Stay in Holbrook and attend NPC for two years. It’s much cheaper than a university; you’re in your home town nice and comfortable. You get the hang of being a college student so you won’t as overwhelmed to go to a university but staying in an environment where you’re close to your friends and other influences, you more vulnerable for distractions and can get off track easily.  Or you can attend a university right out of high school. It’s much more expensive than a junior college. You are in classes with a lot more classmates than you were use to.  But you get the full university experience. You have freedom you didn’t have before, you have all these clubs to choose from, and tons of new people to meet.

It’s no surprise many seniors get so stressed out. Every option has its set of positives and negatives, nearly drives you insane.

And once you have made a final answer, you have the fear of being rejected. You apply to the school you truly want to attend but there is never a guarantee that you will get accepted. But when you do receive your letter of acceptance and come to find that you have been accepted, it’s one of the greatest joys that you will feel in your life. All those moments of stressful time is now all worthwhile.  Now you can just focus on finishing the rest of the high school year. But if you were to open your acceptance letter and come to find that you have been rejected, it must be the worst feeling. Having your dreams shatter right before your eyes.  Knowing that plan A is no longer an option and that you have to go with plan B, hoping that this plan will work.

Applying for college leaves you with so many different emotions and reasoning’s. It’s a stressful time figuring out where your attending , it’s a thrill ride when you get accepted, or it’s a dead end when you get rejected.  And although we may not understand why someone would want to go to a junior college after high school or vice versa , we share the feeling of applying for one.  And all we can do is hope the best for one another on our road unexplored. That’s exactly what I wish for my classmates.